Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
