he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
