Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize