Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
