my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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