I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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