ugly people sure do ruin things
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
