dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
