I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
