why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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