So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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