I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
