I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize