Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm at about main and main street
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
