Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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