i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
