fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
