My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
