I understand Curling. That high.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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