I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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