She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
