i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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