Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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