1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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