Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
