Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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