Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
