the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
