She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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