Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
