i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
