My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you told grandpa to call you daddy
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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