My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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