i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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