He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
