is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
