I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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