you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
