After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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