Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
