I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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