My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
