When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
