My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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