Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So apparently I’m into choking now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
