I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
