why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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