Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
