she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
