Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
