i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
