I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
