Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
