it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
