Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
