we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
