my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
