Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
