Do you still have your period?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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