I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
