so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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