doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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