Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
