to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
