I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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