if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
