I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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