I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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