I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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