So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
