At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
