I just saw a hot homeless man
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
